Storm Clouds Approaching

I had an opportunity to work on a blog post in conjunction with Rick Daddario’s 30-days of haiga today.  His prompt for today was sea/ocean.  This photo was taken out the window of the hotel in Myrtle Beach, SC.  I have shared other photos with you from this view in earlier posts.

Sometimes life feels this way, and if it is true for you today, may you know peace – both internally and around you.   Choose peace.

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21 thoughts on “Storm Clouds Approaching

  1. Pingback: storms of change « bwfiction

  2. aloha Kris – that is one jewel of a photograph. and a beautiful choice for the haiga. i like the way you’ve framed it and still used the image in the frame (that is a personal preference for me that i like). for me i like setting work off from the rest of the world (a frame works that way) yet allowing ways to cross the frame into and out of the image – so this works well (imo).

    i see where you’re aiming in the ku. i’m wondering if it can become more… clear/stronger? maybe a line break with the ~ symbol? so it’s clear which lines connect as one and which is the single line. i know that is not always desirable – sometimes we want a line to work both ways. in this case i wonder if the break might be helpful tho?

    another area i might consider is the “ing” words. you have two. i wonder if you could drop one of the ing endings? maybe on “approach”? maybe not.

    as you have the “sea of change” coming in the image do you need that “sea of” in the ku? maybe just “change swirls around me”?

    do you mean the “sea of change swirling around me” inflates the life boat or is it me that is inflating the life boat? i might try to make that clear.

    you have a great image and the makings of a great ku here as well. very cool. aloha.

    • Hi Rick

      I feel like I am getting private lessons when I receive your comments. So much to study, learn, and return to, to grow in writing. I am so very grateful for the experience and your willingness to push me. I value the input.

      Will look to dabble with your comments. Very cool.

      Kris

      • aloha Kris – i’m glad you appreciate my intent. please keep in mind please that i am not an authority on this stuff. there are a lot of people with much more knowledge than i can even begin to imagine on haiku and haiga. – and they might say something very different than i have. so when you get the opportunity see what they say about your work too (imo). and always always always take the thoughts that resinate to you within yourself (imo too). and let the rest go. there is no one way that is right or always right either. most of what i speak about is because i can see (some of) the issues i have in my own work – i know i miss a lot too. these things i talk about are the very things i often struggle with… and as you say, there is so much to keep in mind it’s nearly impossible (at least for me) to get it all right in any one work. sheesh. still… by doing what we are doing and allowing others to comment and speak their thoughts – my hope is – we gain and learn and improve -you, me and everyone else. cool on that – imo again. thank you for doing your haiga and placing it out here for us to see. a very generous thing to do in deed. keep at it and have fun too of course – aloha.

  3. Hello Kris
    I now see why Rick also likes the image as the frame! Beautiful effect. It is almost like looking into something deeper. I am very new to haiku and so have no authority at all to suggest what is right and wrong. But would surely love to know where you plan to add the break to separate the phrase and fragment. At the moment, it still sounds like three individual lines in my head. Would appreciate your views to help me see what you are seeing.

    • Hi Thanks for stopping by. Before January 1, 2012 when I began this endeavor, I had never written haiku before. I feel totally brand new at this and I am 270 days into writing some. I reworked the haiku as follows:
      storm clouds approach
      change swirls around me
      – inflating life boat

      Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for stopping by.

      • I am the same!! Although I have seen people post haiku before I never took to it seriously because poetry was (and is) a big no no territory for me. I can’t understand sometimes why a simple emotion takes so many lines to convey :-). I have surely made my attempts at this form but … still not convinced! But haiku is just sweet and short and I love that. But never realised how difficult this 3 line poem can be, until I decided to go on an adventure on my own. It is fun though!

        So, I am brand new too Kris! I really hope somebody else can also suggest here. But to me, this version is close to what sounds ok in my head.

        storm clouds approach
        as change swirls around me …
        inflating life boat

        How does this sound to you? By adding ‘as’, L1 and L2 form the phrase and L3 the fragment. This is my humble thought. Thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. Wishing each other a joyful journey through learning haiku.

      • I too, thought about adding “as”, I was wondering by the photo, if that is implied. I am trying to minimize words and use the photo as the fourth line – or compliments to the written word. I don’t know, but so appreciate the dialogue around it all. Thanks so much for your willingness to move into the wonderment – very thoughtful.

      • aloha Kris and Knot2Share – this is a great conversation. i’d add that altho haiku is often built on comparison i have never seen it built as a simile – meaning the word “as” would not be used. i have seen people with a lot more knowledge than i have say that “as” should not be used in that way in haiku.

        the comparison is one of those things that is “understood” – so that comparison idea has no need of “as” – which may be why it is not used.

        some things are the way they are to encourage the reader to make the comparison on their own rather than being told to do so – which is what the word “as” does. it tells the reader you’re comparing but then the reader doesnt engage and do it on their own. i think that is a very interesting relationship that is desirable between reader and ku… i hope i’m making sense with this.

        haiku is more like a metaphor in this sense. altho i’m not sure metaphor is really the way to look at it either.

        just so you know too – another of these “always understood” things with haiku (and this has nothing to do with your discussion here) is that any time you use or see the word “moon” in haiku it is always understood that you are referring to a “full moon” – so you never say “full moon” you only say moon. …if you are talking about a different kind of moon then you put in that kind of moon – new moon. half moon. and so on.

        i am also of the opinion (because i’ve read articles, essays and comments on it and agree) that haiku is never a sentence. that is, all of the lines together should not make a sentence. for me this makes sense because if it can be a sentence then there is no distinction between haiku and a sentence. and imo there should be. it’s true that a sentence may be like or have a spirit similar to haiku – that in itself does not make it haiku tho.

        way cool on your conversation. i like that.

      • Hi Rick
        Thanks for the input about “moon”…I didn’t know that…I do remember the “as” issue now that you reminded me…always appreciate the learning.

      • aloha Kris – yeah, i’m never sure how much i should say (you know i can jabber). i dont want to be pushy and i’m not nearly as knowledgeable as some are on haiku. so really all i’m saying is in relationship to what i’ve found to be true for me. i’m glad you appreciate the conversation – i do too. it makes me confirm and line up my own thinking on haiku so this is way valuable to me in that way.

        both you and Knot amaze me – because it took me years and years to get as far as the two of you have come in this one year – less than a year… bwahahahaha. in another year you’ll be able to explain things to me. cool on that. aloha.

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